WORST FILM EVER!
What, in your opinion is the worst film ever? evryone has their own particular hatred zone for a big-budget bellend of a blockbuster (ok, for example, i LOATHE the 'godfather' films, which everyone else seems to think are some kind of touchstone for cinematic nirvana. to me they are a complete and utter and reprehensible whitewash of cosa nostra; they were given the thumbs up by the mafia and wholeheartedly embraced by them as excellent PR, and the first one in theis trilogy of turds was allowed to be filmed in little italy in NYC, the heartland of the 5 families, by none other than carlo gambino, the de facto capo di tutti capi). one acquaintance of the past told me i was a dick for not basking in the cold rays of this alleged masterpiece; as if i had just criticised beethoven's ninth * as "a bleedin' racket that wasn't a patch on dubstep". ok, i digress. but the point is all genuflect to this tawdry whitewash of a film. i do not. it is a steaming pile of shite in my 'umble opinion, and as for it's 2 sequels- well, i cannot think of them without wanting to retch. incidentally that acquaintance became no more than that; for someone with that little integrity he was cast aside into the chasm that await all who are easily impressed- keith lemon fans come to mind.
anyone who wishes to register an abomination is welcome to do so. i have researched quite a few of the baddest of the bad, many of which are readily available on the internet as they have passed into what the americans so sweetly call 'the public domain', that is the copyright (artistic, legal) has run out on them and they can be watched or downloaded for free. though having watched them i can confide that is a mixed blessing at best.

* best symphony of all time? if you ignore gorecki's third, of course.

Well, the start of any journey always begins with one step, said my uncle sergei, who was tragically killed when he trod on a landmine. how does one write about things that one knows so little about? well, it's never stopped the journalists at 'the sun' so bearing that in mind i shall start where the old blog on youtube (which has been transcribed and is now available on poorly xeroxed paper at furtive meetings of various underclasses of societal dregs) left off; though hopefully without the threats of prosecution/death. there may be tears, laughter, enlightenment- there equally may be the moonlit glint of a knifeblade, and the sound of running feet on the wet cobblestones competing with the ambient wail of sirens. as stated earlier, donations are very welcome; either in the form of hard cash or especially in the form of blank cheques. i am a man of modest means, as a great mancunian once said, or should that read slender? either way, dig deep.